Tag Archives: Why Not?

The Winds of Change

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Firecracker_4896-online

Muhammad Ali once said “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” This is especially relevant to anyone who is in recovery. Most “normal” people change and modify their viewpoints as they travel through the various experiences that life sends their way. On the face of it, this seems very natural. Why shouldn’t this so?

Think about it. As we grow from child to teenager, to young adult, to adulthood; then on into “middle age,” and finally old age, we find ourselves dealing with people, places, and circumstances we could have never imagined. As we progress, life becomes more and more an adventure. We are tested daily. Our threshold for ignorance, hate, stress, indifference, and apathy are pushed to the limit. More and more, we come face to face with our shortcomings and deficiencies. We also (hopefully) experience a deeper appreciation for the good things that come our way. Births, weddings, vacations, or even just a quiet day to ourselves.

So what has really changed? Certainly, the world has not changed. What has changed is us!

For those of us in recovery, this change is one of our saving graces! If we are in the midst of a strong recovery, we have grown spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Fear no longer rules our lives. We are no longer running from our past and its demons (mostly). With every day, we become more and more at ease with who we are, and we strive to become who we have the potential of being. We put in the work. More and more, we believe we do deserve a better life than the one we were living in our addictions.

Being a non-addicted, thriving, giving, grateful, productive, content you – isn’t that what recovery is about?

Take A Chance … On You!

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Steps

Steps (St. Augustine, FL) Image ©Kerzner 2012

What am I gonna do now? Where am I gonna live? Are they gonna keep me at work? Is s/he gonna divorce me now? What then? What about the kids? What about insurance? How am I gonna show my face at work now? Jesus: playing this game straight? How the hell am I gonna do that? What the hell am I gonna do now? I’m done. Jeez …

We all remember those thoughts going through our heads when we hit bottom, no matter what the situation was; drinking, drugging, gambling, sex, abusive relationship … whatever. We were at Ground Zero. We were lost, scared, confused, and a hair’s breath from hopeless! Think about that: It’s probably as fresh and real now as when we went through it, however long ago. We had to start all over, with the very basics! We had to unlearn all the dysfunctional personal and social habits that were ensconced in our very psyche. In some cases we had to learn other basics that had been denied us due to circumstances: reading, writing, or balancing a checkbook (because we couldn’t, didn’t and/or were not permitted to handle the finances). We had to learn how to relate to people without our charades, crutches, and facades; you know, all the lies we told ourselves and everyone else. Oh, and by the way, we had to find new playmates and playgrounds too. Now, who wants to stand up and say that all of that was not a terrifying mess!

Guess what? We picked up the pieces of our shattered and damaged souls, and with the help of others, we traveled the road to rebuilding ourselves. That has been a lot of hard work and we did most of the heavy lifting. Hopefully, we are now at a point in our recovery where we are minding the basics and doing daily maintenance. Life isn’t roses every day, and some of us lost a lot (maybe even everything); but things are a lot better than they were. Best of all, we now have hope.

So friends, realizing all of this, why would you tell yourself you can’t go after the dreams you have for a better you? Having done all you have done (believing at the time that none of it was possible), why would you doubt yourself? Go ahead: Take a chance on you!

Scared To Dream?

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Boston Alleyway

There are various kinds of recovery, and various obstacles to overcome in each case. There is however, a common thread in all of these: damage has been done. This damage can be physical, emotional, psychological, or all of the above. It really doesn’t matter if we have inflicted this damage ourselves, or as in some cases, it is caused by the actions of others. This applies to co-dependents and family members as well. Everyone in the family will experience fallout in one form or another. This damage affects lives in a very real way! One of the major casualties of this damage is the spark we once had in our spirit; the excitement of looking to the future and dreaming about it.

There are many reasons people stop dreaming:

Resignation – The belief that we are consigned to the life we have and that this is as good as it will get for us.

Being comfortable with the familiar –  After all, change is a huge, scary unknown, and even though our current situation is less than ideal, it is familiar.

We are not deserving enough – We have done nothing special or exceptional and surely dreams are for others, and not for us.

We were told we will “never amount to anything,” and we have come to believe it.

Part of recovery is that we take a holistic approach to healing ourselves. This healing includes our physical being, our mind, and our spirit. This healing will be incomplete and ineffective if we heal only part of ourselves. To heal completely, we must heal all of who we are so we can become who we are destined to be. The status quo can no longer be good enough. We can no longer be comfortable in the familiar. We will no longer stumble through the day believing we have no worth to others, or ourselves. We can no longer listen to those voices that lie to us and tell us we are not worth reaching for our dreams. Dreaming is an exciting journey, filled with frustration and reward. This excitement keeps our spirit engaged and keeps us enthused. Dreaming means we are moving forward, reaching, growing; leaving the wreckage of the past, and old ways behind. Dreaming means we are confronting our fears and acting to conquer them.

Not to dream is a slow death of the soul. Don’t give in to this! You do deserve better! You can reach for goals. All you have to do is give yourself license to let go, take a chance on you, and dream.