Author Archives: Barry K

What Is Hurricane Sandy Teaching Us About Recovery?

Chairs with Sailboat Sunrise

What Is Hurricane Sandy Teaching Us About Recovery? Good question. Let’s take a look.

We all know that this storm has devastated countless lives, destroyed property, and stolen the security of hearth and home from many.  The sense of the familiar, and the comfort of routine are gone. All this has been replaced with clearing away the wreckage, taking stock of what remains, and then, rebuilding. As a country, we will begin rebuilding homes, families, communities, friendships, and lives. We will seek to regain and renew our sense of purpose, and the security we once knew. There will be times we will have to put whatever reservations and difficulties we may have with our neighbors aside, and work together for the common good.

For those of us involved in addiction recovery, all this should sound eerily familiar. Our addiction brought us to varying degrees of destruction. We had damaged our reputation, our relationships; lost our homes and families, and in a twisted sick way, our routine and sense of “normalcy” (as we envisioned normal to be within the context of the twisted existence we were living). Comfort in the familiar, and our sense of security, were gone once we hit bottom. We had to begin anew. We had to assess the damage, see what was salvageable, and then, begin to rebuild our lives starting with ourselves first. We had to reassess things we believed to be stable and unshakable, and determine how to approach them anew. We had to cultivate healthy and productive habits and approaches to solving problems instead of procrastinating, or feigning that they didn’t exist. This rebuilding required education, training, and often, cooperation with those that we previously would not have trusted or worked with at all.

Just as we have learned to do these things and worked tirelessly to maintain our hard-won progress, the country is in the process of doing these same things. Already we see differences put aside and people working together for the common good. Already we see a recognition that old ways must change and long-held beliefs must be examined, and possibly abandoned. Mostly, we see working toward renewal and rebuilding, with a firm determination and sense of purpose.

Isn’t that what recovery is all about?

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What Motorcycles Taught Me About Recovery

Old Engine

Recovery and riding a motorcycle may seem far removed from each other. At first glance, a person could reasonably wonder how they are even remotely related.

Riding a motorcycle is all about freedom and exhilaration. Often overlooked however, is the most important part of riding a motorcycle: discipline. In this instance, discipline has many aspects that work together to provide a successful and satisfying experience. When you ride a motorcycle, whether you admit it or not, you are involved in a relationship with that machine, and you only get out of it what you put into the relationship. You have to know the machine, its limitations, quirks, idiosyncrasies. You have to maintain the machine so that it functions at an optimal levels and does not let you down, leaving you stranded. Another reason you have to maintain the machine is that if you don’t (through complacency and/or procrastination), it will kill you. There are days when you can push the machine to its limits, and there are days when you caress and cajole the machine. You can not ride impaired. Impaired can mean lack of sleep, being distracted, angry, scattered, and of course, impaired by drugs or alcohol. The day you ride and fail to show the proper respect for the machine, it will kill you. There can be no lapses.

Our recovery also requires maintenance. Our recovery is a relationship we maintain with our deepest self. Like any good relationship it requires effort and truth. We can not “cheat” on our recovery; we can not procrastinate. We can not afford to take our recovery for granted and put it on “autopilot.” Just like the motorcycle, we have to show our recovery the respect it deserves and requires for it to be productive and successful. Just like the motorcycle, the very second we disrespect our recovery there are deadly consequences.

When I was riding, I learned something new every day. My attitude was to learn something new every time I rode, even if it was a small nuance of something I already knew. My recovery is the same way: Learn something new every day. Just when I start thinking I have mastered recovery and I can ease up a bit, there are consequences. Just like riding, when I become complacent in recovery, it whips my ass. A quality recovery requires constant respect, effort, and maintenance. I can never afford to forget that, even for one day.

What A Blog Should Be

2 Chairs At Sunrise

What should a blog be? Why do people visit a blog? Why does the author write the blog? Let’s look at this for a minute.

People visit a blog for many reasons. For some it is a respite from the hustle and bustle of their busy day. For others, it is seeking information to help them with some aspect of their life. Perhaps they are looking to be entertained, informed, cuddled, amused, or they just want some empathy. When they arrive at the blog, there are expectations they bring with them. They want to see an honest effort on the part of the writer; “phoning it in” is not an option. Most importantly, the reader must walk away with a sense of gain and satisfaction. They need to walk away feeling like they are better for having invested the time spent at that blog. It doesn’t matter if the blog is about politics, social media, football, raising kids, being a better husband, or scrap booking. These are just the facts of consumerism: the customer must be satisfied. Readers are customers. Bloggers sometimes forget that. Yes, writers write for themselves because that’s what they enjoy, but ultimately, they write for their readers.

What do blog authors expect from their readers? The question really is, “What do readers and visitors owe the author?” Think about that. Any transaction in life has two participants, both bringing their own perspectives and expectations to every instance. The most important thing a reader can do is show up with an open mind and a willingness to be presented with a viewpoint that may or may not differ from their own. What most bloggers want is a conversation. So readers should put some effort in (just a little bit mind you) and leave a comment for the author. Did they enjoy the piece they just read? Why or why not? What could the author have done better? What would readers like to see more (or less) of?  For writers, feedback is the nourishment they need. It sustains and drives them.

When authors and readers actually work together, the experience is better for everyone involved. It is like any other relationship: For the relationship to work, both parties have to contribute and there has to be effective communication. Think about that next time you visit someone’s blog.

The First Rule: KISS

Today I got a lesson in the most basic rule of stress-free living: Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS). I was trying to figure out a problem with this new website; I only had one bar in the edit view and no “Visual” tab. So after poking around for an hour, and then looking through numerous forum pages, I was resigned to the fact that I would have to download yet another plugin and deal with that. Then a friend suggested the obvious: “Google ‘No Visual tab in edit view’ or something like that.” Well, DUH! So here it is I am getting myself all in a tizzy and halfway into freakout mode and then, wham! So being a good little boy, I Googled and found the answer. Then I followed the directions and it worked because … RIF (Reading Is Fundamental).

So there you have it folks; another example of me having to cuddle a problem and wrestle with it, and accomplish nothing instead of stepping back and seeing the big picture. (You know, the obvious.)

Every now and then we get so caught up in what we are doing, and trying to resolve an issue, that we miss the obvious solution that is right in front of us. Is this because we are not happy unless we are miserable and in the mist of some form of crisis, no matter how minor? Is it because if some endeavor of ours goes off without a hitch we feel cheated and guilty, like “That was too easy?” Is it our need to complicate everything to feel like we are accomplishing something of value? Do we have an innate need for constant struggle against the universe; especially those of us with abusive and/or addiction backgrounds? Or were we just being a dumb ass and missed the obvious?

Well today, I missed the answer right in front of me because I failed to look and “Keep It Simple Stupid.”

Barry K

Welcome … Glad you could stop by and visit for a minute.

In the coming months this site will discuss how to work towards our goals & chase our dreams. Along with that, we will talk about eliminating roadblocks and excuses that slow our progress. We will also talk about out our fears: how they paralyze us, and keep us from moving forward.

These issues and discussions apply whether you are seeking a job, writing a book, getting over a relationship, are struggling with addictions, or find yourself clean and /or sober.

You will also find this space useful if your were in an abusive relationship or family situation, and are wanting to move on and better yourself.

For those that have been told;

“You’ll never amount to anything.”
“Nobody wants you.”
“You can’t do that. Who are you kidding?”

You CAN do whatever you set your mind to. There are people who want you for you. And you WILL amount to something … you can do what you want with your life because it’s yours now.

I look forward to talking with all the people who participate in this conversation.

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